Weird.. this is like one of the most important time of my life.. and i'm not blogging anything abt it.. But heck.. i shan't bitch about the A's here..what is done is done anyway.. up to God to decide what's gonna come..

OHHH.. saw my last last entry.. so funny! "look forward to seeing myself collapse".. i'll never see that! I'm too slack for that! YES, i've slumped back into my old potato couch self! Oh.. what a sin. Sloth.

-searches up and down for the entry-

I think i lost an entry! O_O I vividly remembered i wrote this entry on AC teachers and i was TOTALLY bitching about how i'll NEVER EVER get into Penn and how i was dreaming and blah.. hmm..now ..i can't find it! Omg. Or am i just hallucinating? Well well.. maybe the sudden disappearance of the entry is a good sign too! Harh! :) .. Good luck to myself for the remaining of the A's!

Wow.. there was this survey on Blogs and look! Wow! I'm the minority! I didn't abandon my blog! YAY! lol...though at one pt i wanted to , because i was saddened by what i wrote and the unhappy events.. but that's another story! wee!

"The most dramatic finding from the survey was that 66.0% of surveyed blogs had not been updated in two months, representing 2.72 million blogs that have been either permanently or temporarily abandoned. "Apparently the blog-hosting services have made it so easy to create a blog that many tire-kickers feel no commitment to continuing the blog they initiate," said Jeffrey Henning, CTO of Perseus Development Corp. and author of the survey. "In fact, 1.09 million blogs were one-day wonders, with no postings on subsequent days." The average duration of the remaining 1.63 million abandoned blogs was 126 days (almost four months). A surprising 132,000 blogs were abandoned after being maintained a year or more (the oldest abandoned blog surveyed had been maintained for 923 days)."

YES, I WATCHED THE MATRIX! Not bad not bad.. the effects were very very good.. but the plot is quite expected. But nevertheless, i had a good time watching it. Hm..i feel like such a bimbo/sissy, i cried in so many scenes! I'm a cry baby! ANDDDDDDDD.. when i watching the scene where zion soldiers were fighting against the machines, I was so scared. War felt so near to me, and i could feel the fear in the story. I was so frightened, i wish i'll never have to experience war.

Another thing to mention.. ohhhh.. Keanu Reeves looks goooddddd.. -yum-yum- Ohhhhh.. And Morpheus didn't seem to do much in this movie.

After the show, all my friends were discussing about the movie, what it meant, what was amiss blah blah blah.. BUTTTT i didn't want to join in. In fact, i even walked away. I had just finished the movie, i want the feelings and emotions and thoughts to sink into me. Not be affected by what they had say/thought. This experience truly belongs to me only. Whether it was implying something or who is what and blah.. i want to believe what my first impression is. This is my interpretation and i'm not gonna go think about it too much.

I so very look forward to seeing myself collapse. Yup, no kidding. Maybe if i got so stressed that i fail to function, then only would i feel less guilty. Sorry mum, sorry dad, sorry for making you guys spend so much money on me and yet not getting much in return. Sorry. I'm so sorry.

True, i'm not feeling too stressed in spite of the MERE 2 weeks left to mug for the 2 YEARS i've wasted away. Buttttt.. the stress is building up. But at a very slow pace. And the stress comes mostly from applications. -_- How i wish i can have a little more time, organisation, intelligence. Oh how i wish.

WOw, first time pitas 'broke down' so long. But nevertheless, millions of thanks to the Pitas owner/admin who still keep Pitas.com free !

Oh yeah, my pet these days is "Queer Eye for the straight guy"! I've no idea how many times i've told guys around me, " GAY MEN ARE HOOOOOOTTTT!"... I guess they are all used to it by now.. :).. But seriously.. this show is an eye-opener to a silly, unperspective Asian like me. The Fab 5 is cool, nice guys and Carson is such a bitch! (bitch in a nice way of course).. He dresses up so nicely, and never fails to tickle me. The rest of them are cool too.. Such a nice show! I've even influenced 1 guy to d/l it and watch it with me! lol .. Beware guys! I'm gonna tell you all how fantastic fab5 is if u're in my contact list! :)

The truth suddenly dawned upon me : I'm graduating in 2 days' time. I know i'll cry on the baccalaureate service.. i will.. It's surprising how much i miss the school even now. No more sleeping in lectures, bitching about the teachers, gossiping, fooling around like 10 year old kids, talking about how we want our future to be , talking about the obstacles ahead of us..

"Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
"

WOw wow wow... i always thought i was childish.. seems that i'm right afterall!

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

In the mood to mug these days. Starting to warm up.. can feel the 'engine' slowly starting up. What a great feeling. Hope i don't screw up my university applications and A's. God Bless.

I don't know why , but i feel like i'm dying from fatigue these days. Not exactly sleepy kind of tired.. it's a kind of mental wearout and my body is aching everyday i return home. I don't do much in school, but maybe it's because of the stress building up and the intensiveness of the classes and lectures. Perhaps my body is still in a holiday mood, not accustomed to this kind of mental workout + walking all over school. Sigh. Haven't felt this tired for a long time.

Movie : Turn left Turn right (2003)

This movie is better than i thought, but that's because i had very low expectations of it. ;-) The movie is surprisingly humourous and there're many little characters throughout the movie to add flavour to the original rather plain story line. But, it failed to potray the kind of depression, the missing of chance, the play of fate that i always imagined Jimmy's books to be.

Another big failure of the movie is the ending, which is over-dramatic and unrealistic. So far, the whole story have been rather believable. Afterall, the world is so big and it's not surprising that we are just a few steps away from our true love, but never really finding them. But an earthquake that broke the physical wall between them? It just makes the whole movie look silly. The directors or scriptwriters ought to have followed the original Jimmy ending, instead of such an insincere and coarse ending.

Takeshi and Gigi leung both acted quite well in the show, and they actually do resemble the characters in the book! Takeshi has this air of indifference and innocence, which sorta like the guy in the book.

Still, it wasn't too bad a show. I wouldn't say it's a must-see, but well, it wouldn't be a bad choice if you've the time and money!

( Sianz arh, watching movies with a bunch of immature kids behind me, busy chattering and commenting about how cute Takeshi is etc etc.. Also, when Sun Yan Zi was singing in the movie, the girl near me sang.. sigh, not only did it distract me, it also affects the song and atmosphere! Sianz! Note to self : Must always be considerate in public places.)

Wow, haven't been to such a big event in ages. The feeling is good, though at times i feel abit bored.Indifferent perhaps? Oh no, nope. Just felt a little outcasted. But well.. i'm always good in making myself occupied, so yay!

A friend saw me , and asked me, " How come you're here?" Abit shocked to see me still here, yes, always there for the major events, unwilling to miss out in action ;-) .But i'm glad, i still feel happy amongst the happiness. So many people reminding you the need to be happy and high~!

Having abit of sorethroat now..cheered too much just now. :) .. Next year this time, i may or may not be there. Actually, i hope i won't, coz that will mean that i got into US unis! :) .. But i guess i'll always miss my friends.

drunken stupor- words garbled - woes - sad - frightened - future bleak - heartache - prays - stand up - dance - sadness in his eyes - tough fall - bless - strive - guilt - filial piety - confused - troubles - piling up - stressed out - rainbow - sun - bright - okay.

遇见

听见 冬天的离开 我在某年某月 醒过来
我想 我等 我期待 未来却不能因此安排
阴天 傍晚 车窗外 未来有一个人在等待
向左 向右 向前看 爱要拐几个弯才来
我遇见谁 会有怎样的对白 我等的人 他在多远的未来
我听见风 来自地铁和人海 我排着队 拿着爱的号码牌
我往前飞 飞过一片时间海 我们也常在爱情里受伤害
我看着路 梦的入口有点窄 我遇见你是最美的意外
终有一天 我的谜底会解开

远方

宽厚肩膀 手指干净而修长
笑声像大海 眼神里有阳光
我想象你 一定就是 这样

还没出现 就已对你爱恋
还没遇见 就先有了思念
要给我的爱 如果你还在灌溉
要我等待 我就等待

北方南方 某个远方 一定有座 爱情天堂
我们用爱 幸福对方 共享一对 翅膀飞翔

请找到我 到了对的时候
相遇的路口 请认出我
属于我的爱 先种在你心中
请感动我 等它成熟

虽然偶尔会孤单 虽然等候太漫长
万一青春太短
但是只要看远方 就能再坚定信仰
只有最好的你能 给最好的爱

我很确定 不远远方 会有我们 爱的天堂
心会温暖 笑会灿烂 风沙星辰 永远相伴

"好想再问一遍 你会等待还是离开
刮风这天 我试过握着你手
但偏偏 雨渐渐 大到我看你不见 还要多久
我才能在你身边 等待放晴的那天 也许我会比较好一点
从前从前 有个人爱你很久 但偏偏 雨渐渐 把距离吹得好远 "

........

"我掉进爱情悬崖 跌太深爬不出来 下降的速度太快 来不及踏上未来 你的爱反覆徘徊 打乱我的呼吸节拍 该怎么逃开 我控制不来"

Was looking through the achives just now. Why do i feel that i was blogging better in the past ? -_-.. does that mean that my linguistic ability has dropped? Bish~!
Reading through the past blogs are good.. remembering what i went through, what i felt then, seeing how i grow up. Isn't it weird that some entries that was so emotional then couldn't move you now? I look at entries when i get so pissed off, and feel stupid. But i smile and move on to other entries. See, sometimes things you think are SOOO important then arent' really all that significant!

The shocking thing is that when i read the past entries where i mention him, talk about how hurt and sad i am , how i try to hold on and stuff...I don't feel anything anymore. Time really heals your wounds. So i shall quote from another of my past entry :

"Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift."
"The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past,you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. "

Now i truly understand the essense of all these words. Really, i'm very happy now. I feel at peace. I care for those who're around me , and most of all, my family. And i know they care for me too. All these little things make me happy. To know that i'm in control of my life. :)

But one sad thing is that, my past .. one year? has been so reliant on this group of friends. And yet, they do not affect my life now. And i saw one past entry where i wished that my friends never abandon me. Well, guess things happen for a reason.

But hmm.. i realize my really old entries are gone! GONEEEE! ARHHHH! Help! -_- .. hmm.. i only see the layout of my blog, but not the entries. Where have they gone to? Lol. Well, maybe it's also good that they're gone. Represent a part of my life that has passed and those unhappy moments and days. Well, but i still want to remember what i wrote then! :)

Hmmm.. I guessed i never really told anyone, but i'm a sucker for 'Jerry Maguire' quotes! I like that show alot! It's a hilarious/warm/meaningful show!

1.You Complete me.
2. I love him for the..for the man he wants to be and I love him for the man he almost is!
[ This quote should be listened together with the Bruce Springsteen's song in Jerry Maguire! Had this movie edition song on my compt. I get touched everytime i hear the song. ]
3.You had me at hello.
4.SHOW ME THE MONEYYYYYY!

I guess when some things change, they're changed forever. Recently, i seem to feel very foreign when i talk to them. Like i don't know them. Or like i'm just a "hi-and-bye" friend. Well, if this is the way things has to be, i guess i can't do much to change it , can i? Maybe it was my choice. Maybe it was theirs. Maybe it's both parties. Whatever it is, i feel so sorry that our friendship had to end this way. I've no idea what they're doing these days, nor do have any idea about mine's. To think that maybe half a year ago, we were still best of pals? Time washes away alot of things, dont' they? And they don't seem to miss me, nor do i seem to miss them that much. I can already see we're at different roads leading to very different directions. When did i start to stray away from them? Or should i say , when did they start to abandon me?

I've never felt so lousy about myself. I feel so demoralized, down, discouraged, distraught.. whatever d-thing you can think of. For a first time in a long time, i actually think I SUCK! This dent in my super-huge ego is something i can't get used to. How can i feel so minute and insignificant among my friends? How can i feel a lesser person than they are? How can i NOT MUG?!!!!! Arrrgh. Help me.

Seriously, this sucks. I'm having my prelims like.. 4 days later.. and here i am, still trying to read my notes and stuff! Hey, i ought to be confident and doing past year papers now! Bah. I realise as exams creep near, the more people will bitch about how little they studied, how they're gonna die and stuff.. BULLSHIT! Fancy lying in your own blog. Well, at least for me i know, I"M ALREADY DEAD. No need for anticipation or any mental preperation. Dum Dum Dum. I can only cross my fingers and pray that it doesnt' affect my chances of going to a good US University. (Sigh~)

And I'm so sorry that I've fallen
Help me up, let's keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love

Running Running as fast as we can
Do you think we'll make it
Running, keep holding my hand
So we don't get separated

Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me

Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so hard to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up

Sorry, i've given up. I can't find the energy to run anymore. I don't know if it's you who abandoned me, or the other way round, but all these doesn't matter now. You've stopped holding my hands, and so i've stopped running. Maybe it's my fault, maybe it's yours. Maybe it's just the way it's meant to be.

Big Brovaz - Favorite Things
Buy me diamonds and rubies
I'm crazy bout Bentley's
Gucci dresses and dropped up compressors
Wine me and dine me
Bring those platinum rings
Those are a few of our favourite things

Buy me diamonds and rubies
I'm crazy bout Bentley's
Gucci dresses and dropped up compressors
Wine me and dine me
Bring those platinum rings
Those are a few of our favourite things

What I need is a gentleman
Who does the best he can
There to hold my hand
I want him to understand
Of course I want diamonds and expensive things
Cos a girl gotta have her favourite things

Oh that's what you like
Nice type of life
Platinum and ice
Not diamon ite
Well that's alright
You looking right
Ass kinda tight
Come spend the night
Role with the G
Oh we can B
Right you and me
Like fantasy
I'll make it real
So what the deal
Girl tell Randy just how you feel

Buy me diamonds and rubies
I'm crazy bout Bentley's
Gucci dresses and dropped up compressors
Wine me and dine me
Bring those platinum rings
Those are a few of our favourite things

I would like a man who
Takes care of business
And still have the time to take me on a shopping spree
What's mine is yours abd what's yours is mine
With what we have let's put it together and we can shine

I know what you want and
I got what you need
I believe you should be rolling with me
I take your around out on the town
And show you the way that a baller gets down
Whenever you're ready girl, we can go now
And we can do things you don't even know how
I know that you know that I'm feeling your style
So tell me what to do just to make you go wild

Buy me diamonds and rubies
I'm crazy bout Bentley's
Gucci dresses and dropped up compressors
Wine me and dine me
Bring those platinum rings
Those are a few of our favourite things

Let me tell you about D, its all about
Simplicity, easy to please
But I like expensive things
For me you can buy diamonds and pearls
Just some of the little things
I like in my world

So you like wining and dining and shining
Gliding and riding
Pushing them hot whips
Mummy come get with a real pimp
Its flossing Flawless honest
I'll make you a shopoholic
Buying you stuff until you vomit
Blowing chronic, hopping on it
Even if you didn't want it

Buy me diamonds and rubies
I'm crazy bout Bentley's
Gucci dresses and dropped up compressors
Wine me and dine me
Bring those platinum rings
Those are a few of our favourite things

I'm a freakin' scheming fako 2-faced bastard! And sue me if you can! Hah!
Why do i say that? I suppose i have grown to learn that i'm getting more skilled in pretending to be something i'm not/ making others believe what i want them to believe i am/ making myself believe i'm so in control of my life. I suppose that's an asset ! Wee! W00! Congrats me!

Hmm.. why do ppl. commit suicide? What is so grave and severe that it can't be solved? Who has the rights to make you end your life? Who are you to decide when to end your own life? Harh!

Yup, i'm such a jerk for saying all these stuff. Esp. after what has happened to that girl. Well well.. who are you to judge? HATE ME!

This is the night - Clay Aiken

When the world wasn't upside down,
I could take all the time I had.
But I'm not gonna wait
when a moment can vanish so fast.
'Cause every kiss is a kiss
you can never get back.

Lift me up in your arms.
If you told me that is what heaven is,
well, you'd be right.
I've been waiting forever for this.
This is the night.

When the answer to all of my dreams,
is as close as a touch away,
why am I here holding back
what I'm trying to say?

Lift me up in your arms.
If you told me that is what heaven is,
well, you'd be right.
Hold me close to your heart.
I would go with you to the end of the earth
and we'll fly.
I've been waiting forever for this.
This is the night.

This is the night when we capture forever
and all, and tomorrow begins.
After tonight, we will never be lonely again.

Prelims coming~! ARHHHH!
Suddenly realize all my friends are starting to MUGGGG! HELP! Well, at least i find having a sense of direction, a clear aim to work towards to a good thing. At least i don't find life boring and meaningless. At least i have something to look forward to/ bitch at now! Yay! :P But well, I realize being busy with school work is a very good activity to be preoccupied with. All your energy is spent ( should i type 'wasted'? :P) on doing hw, THINKING abt doing hw, fretting over your friends doing THEIR hw, worrying over friends doing their hw and NOT lending you etc etc..

SEE! life is colorful! life is bright! So put on your seatbelts tight and prepare to sail through this wonderful period of my life!

Was standing on the bus today. Heard this song. Suddenly thought of him. A sense of sadness overwhelmed me. Well, we used to be so sweet and nice to each other. What happened? WHAT HAPPENED?! I can't find any answer to this mystery. GOod bye my love.

Sigh. Realized i haven't been putting down my thoughts for quite some time.Oh yar, watched alot of tv these days.. found some really great commercials.

Firstly, a commercial by Ronaldo and Zidane. It's to promote this site, www.teamstoendpoverty.org . A really nice website. Secondly, the coka-cola commerical on TV is really good. The theme is "For everyone". It's really hilarious, but i really have to put my hat off for that guy who came up with the commercial. Well done!

Hm...realised i missed my family and home alot. MOre than i ever thought i would. Didn't realize how happy my days at home were. For my few days there, i didn't even go online much. Maybe a grand total of like.. 2 hours? Over.. 5 days? Oh my.. i just love lazing around at home, sitting in front of the tv.. knowing that my mum, dad and sis will all be under the same roof as me. Sigh. Cherish your family k?

Flying without wings
Everybody's looking for a something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as it may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place

It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings


Most people might remember this song as "the westlife song arh?".. but for me.. the one who truly sang it straight into my heart and make me feel that it's worth posting the lyrics here is RUBEN STUDDARD. Yup, he's the 2nd American Idol. Some may hate him, some may adore him. I belong to the latter. :).. He makes so many songs so special to me.

A site that predicts your past life :

www.thebigview.com/pastlife/

Your past life diagnosis:
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Tibet around the year 950.
Your profession was that of a banker, usurer, moneylender or judge.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life: Bohemian personality, mysterious, highly gifted, capable to understand ancient books. With a magician's abilities, you could have been a servant of dark forces.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
The timid, lonely and self-confident people are everywhere, and your task is to overcome these tendencies in yourself and then to help other people.
Do you remember now?

Haven't cried for quite some time. And i cried today. YESH, SPURS WON!!!! My salutations to The Admiral, David Robinson. He played such a wonderful game. Sigh~, life without NBA sounds abit scary. :P

I think one of the biggest rewards of this holidays is me having the opportunity to watch many sports events. Yup, i haven't been in touch with sports news for quite some time. Time for me to pick up now! Yup, NBA, F1, Golf.. if i've time, i'll watch all kinds of sports. I think i just love sports. :)

When i heard the song " All or Nothing", i can't believe what the song did to me. I started seeing him all over the place. Every guy i saw reminds me of him. I thought i saw him. But of course, it's impossible. Brrr, what the hell is my mind thinking?

After all long.. after i've learnt to forget him and the pain he brings, why do i suddenly get reminded of him again? Bah. Luckily i only THINK of him, not too much feelings involved. *Phew* And he actually msged him a little while later? Wow. Scary. Is this some witch craft? :P

I think , to a certain extent, i've finished my JC experience. Yes, i've been an ultimate slacker. Yes, i've been clubbing. And yes, i'm going to mug. I've gone to the 2 extremes and thank god, i'm enjoying myself.

Went clubbing on Monday. Clubbing is quite cool and fun, but the after-effects of clubbing is disastrous. I'm completely dead for the whole of today. Mind not working properly, aching limbs, throbbing head. But fortunately, i've not regretted anything. The experience was enriching, something we'll never have to chance to experience once we get out of JC. I mean, after you've ended JC, the experience would have been different. No longer you can walk around the dance floor, commenting on the people around you whom you've seen/heard/known.

Bodies wriggling on the dance floor. Your sweat mingling with mine. Screams of joy and excitement. The dazed and empty looks . The hot and passionate smooches. BOoze and more booze. Tired bodies slumping on the sofas. The smiling bartenders playing with bottles of vodka. Guys trying to pick up girls. Blurred. Lost.

Okay okay, whatever. I dont' even know what i'm typing about. After the party, the whole bunch of us lamed aorund in orchard and walked to Esplanade. Lol. A bunch of weird people. Orchard at 4am is really .. special. I saw cockroaches roaming around. I saw old uncles sleeping in front of the shopping centres. What a glamorous place. And yet, the dark side of society is seen there too. The noise, the CO, the bustling atmosphere.. seemed so far away. So unreal. Is this the real orchard?

I'm bullshitting again. Well, esplanade looks really un-glam at night/early morning.. :)

ARrrgh. I hate being the weaker one academically wise. I hate being looked down upon by all my friends and teachers. I hate being the underdog. I hate getting Fs. I hate feeling stupid. I hate getting worse results than all the rest. I hate being the odd one out. I hate to see others surpass me. I hate to see them having that smirk on their faces. I hate them for always complaining about their results when they've already done so well. I HATE THEM I HATE THEM. I HATE MYSELF.

And i promise myself I MUST WIN ALL OF THEM. Yes, i'll prove to them who's the real winner in the end.

You are Cypher, from "The Matrix."
Selfish, disllusioned, you are misguided at
times. You deviate from the "right"
path.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is an understatement. I'm VERY selfish and evil.